A little past six in the morning, I left home for work. Feeling the warm air as I was traveling on a tricycle, the word “clericalism” entered my mind. Immediately, I remember Pope Francis mentioning that word referring to it as an illness in the Church, blaming it as one of the root causes of crimes and injustices and abuses in the Church. It is an evil in the Church. Clericalism emphasizes the authority of the clergy over their obligation of service. The culture of clericalism fostered the culture of abuse in the Church, highlighting sexual abuse. For a prolonged period of time, I was experiencing flashbacks of my own personal experience of sexual abuse from the Jesuit priest whom I knew and encountered as a seminarian in San Jose Seminary, Ateneo Campus, Loyola Heights, Quezon City. His name is Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. With some intensity, my remembering of this abusive Jesuit priest was just vivid. I cannot help but situate my own experience of sexual abuse in the context of this culture of clericalism. Fr. Tanseco is a Jesuit priest who has his vow of chastity. It means that he is not an ordinary priest but a Jesuit who went through long years of spiritual, intellectual and pastoral formation prior to ordination. In sexually abusing me, he simply violated his vow of chastity and betrayed his priesthood. He does not deserve to remain a priest and a Jesuit. Fr. Tanseco was trained in the United States of America and went home to the Philippines to introduce the Marriage Encounter movement. He spent most of his priestly life in family ministry and counseling. I am thinking of how this training made him an expert and a pioneer in his particular ministry and yet he has the capacity to sexually abuse a vulnerable seminarian like me. Fr. Tanseco was also professor of pastoral counseling teaching a lot of seminarians. I am imagining a professor of pastoral counseling sucking my dick. Fr. Tanseco initiated the Center of Family Ministry (CEFAM). His name was already attached to the name of the center to be now called RMT-CEFAM. He would conduct counseling sessions in the center. He also has a programs called “Discovery Weekend” and “Christian Parenting for Peace and Justice.” These must be pioneering works by a Jesuit who fondled my genitals. As a Jesuit, Fr. Tanseco was also assigned as Rector of the Loyola House of Studies. As rector, he was a formator of Jesuit scholastics. And I am imaging a rector masturbating my dick until I ejaculate. That is how clericalism is at work in my experience of sexual abuse from one of those intellectually, morally and spiritually superior Jesuits.

For quite some time now, I feel strange about the kind of person that I have become. I tried to make myself busy at work. I am normally an efficient person. I would accomplish my tasks quite easily. I try to make myself busy when I am at home too. I attend to many things inside and outside the house. But something would disturb me. Memories of the sexual abuse done to me by the Jesuit priest, Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J., would always become vivid to me. I can vividly remember the events that led to the first time Fr. Ruben Tanseco touched, fondled, and masturbated my dick. I can fully remember my first trip to Baguio City on a semestral break when I was second year in my theological studies. We took the bus, the Dagupan bus from Cubao to Baguio City one rainy morning. I can remember a lot of details even when I am busy. These flashbacks are so vivid, so clear, so detailed. I am bothered. I feel anxious, nervours and jittery even when I am in the midst of work, even when I am in the midst of a meeting. I have to find a way to make myself relaxed. It is just stressful. I do not want to remember but the more I am determined to forget my experience of sexual abuse from a Jesuit, the more that my memories of that experience become vivid. I just try to be strong and cheerful. But deep inside, I am hurting. Deep inside I know I deserve some form of justice. I can still remember how Fr. Ruben Tanseco is an advocate of justice but in sexually abusing me, he committed a grave injustice. I can only wish for the day that I am accorded real justice. Only then I can say to myself that healing is achieved.

The meditation on two standards is supposed to be an important meditation in the spiritual exercises. The meditation involves choosing where would a person stand, with Jesus or with the world. Followers of Christ are supposed to stand under the flag of Jesus. As I consider the meditation on two standards, I cannot help but think of my experience of sexual abuse from the hands of Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J.. He is a priest, a Jesuit, a counselor, a spiritual director, a retreat director, a rector/formator, etc. As a Jesuit, he is familiar with the meditation on two standards. When he inserted his hands in my underwear and fondled my genitals, I cannot say he was standing under the banner of Christ. When he masturbated me, he was not standing under the flag of Christ. When he sucked my dick, he was not guided by the standard of Christ. However, as a Jesuit, he was expected to stand under the banner of Christ. In sexually abusing me, he stood under the banner of the devil. He was guided by his worldly desires. All the more it becomes worse when I think of the vow of chastity he swore to live as a religious and as a priest. In sexually abusing me, he simply invalidated the meditation on two standards. Instead of living in accord with the standard of Christ, He was living a double life, a hypocritical life. The worst part of it is that, in sexually abusing me, Tanseco destroyed a life. That life is mine. Tanseco is a classic case of the devil looking like an angel. Very deceptive. Very scheming. Very deceitful.

One of the principles of the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola is to develop a positive image of God, of the self, and of creation. As I try to conduct a review of what I believe regarding this idea, I cannot reconcile a positive idea of God with my experience of sexual abuse from Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. I am thinking of Fr. Tanseco as a Jesuit who is supposed to promote the Spiritual Exercises and everything that is written in it. However, it is just painful to think of how this very Jesuit who is supposed to live out and give witness to the Spiritual Exercises would go against what he is supposed to promote and preach. I cannot think of a positive idea of God during those times that Fr. Ruben Tanseco would strip me of my underwear to have access to my genitals during the nights I spent with him. I cannot think of a positive idea of God every time Fr. RubenTanseco would fondle my genitals until I have erection and continue to play with my penis after it gets erect. I cannot think of a positive idea of God every time Fr. Ruben Tanseco would suck my dick and masturbate it until I reach orgasm and eventually ejaculate. Aside from destroying my positive idea of God, I cannot think of a positive idea of my self when Fr. Ruben Tanseco sexually abused me. In sexually abusing me, Fr. Tanseco reduced to me to a thing, something he can use and abuse to satisfy his worldly desires. I cannot even think of my experience of sexual abuse from Fr. Tanseco as something being done by a religious with a vow of chastity.

In another dimension, I cannot think of a positive idea of God when I continue to struggle for justice until today. I still have to experience the God of justice from the very Jesuits who would preach “faith that does justice.”

I was taught by Jesuits. One of the things I was taught is that people are created to praise, reverence and serve God, if there is a God. It is the very principle and foundation of the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola. How then would it be for somebody like me who was sexually abused by a Jesuit priest whose name is Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. Perhaps, I can have more questions than answers here. For the several times that Fr. Tanseco sucked my dick, can it be considered a praise of God? For the several times that Fr. Tanseco masturbated my dick until I cum, can it be considered giving reverence to God? For the several times that Fr. Tanseco slipped his hand in my underwear and fondled my genitals, can it be considered serving God? Here is a Jesuit preaching about praising and giving reverence and serving God. But the preaching is not consistent with his actions. There is a scandalous disconnect between what this Jesuit preaches and what this Jesuit does. More than breaking his vow of chastity, in sexually abusing me, Fr. Tanseco brought me away from God. That experience taught me that God is absent or non-existent. How can I praise, revere and serve a non-existent God? Instead of my faith being strengthened, I simply lost my faith because of my experience of sexual abuse from the hands of Fr. Tanseco. Instead of being spiritually enriched, my life is shattered because of my experience of sexual abuse from the hands of Fr. Tanseco.

i am on my way out of the church. i am just maintaining my social ties with some priest whom i consider friends. my work in a catholic college is purely for economic reasons. but as far as anything spiritual is concerned, i no longer entrust my spiritual welfare, that is if there is such a thing, to the church. i do not see any significance or meaning in prayer and in going to mass and the sacraments. i have survived without doing so for years already. i am not sure if any retreat will be helpful to me now. if ever i have a soul, i cannot entrust its welfare to the church. should there be a need for spiritual nourishment, i might as well seek it somewhere else.

my experience of sexual abuse is an experience of injustice that created a deep wound in me. in my woundedness, i cannot see any significance in many things. there are times that i do not see the significance of my existence. my raison d’etre is put into question by my experience of sexual abuse from the hands of a jesuit. psychotherapy might help me manage my anger, my depression, my low self-image, my distaste in doing what i used to enjoy doing. psychotherapy might help alleviate my stress and anxiety. i am not sure if  any psychological intervention can address certain medical symptoms i am experiencing now.

given that sexual abuse is an injustice, it is justice that should heal. and justice is an absolute necessity, according to cardinal tagle. what is owed to me who has suffered at the hands of the church is incalculable. no amount of money can compensate for the lasting, if not lifetime, effects of sexual abuse. as i told your before, the wealth of the jesuits cannot restore what i lost from the sexual abuse done to me by tanseco. even the defrocking of tanseco cannot repair the damage he has done to me. the dignity i lost from the sexual abuse i experienced from the hands of tanseco is not subject to liquidation as if i owe some money to the society of jesus.

i sought justice from the church and from the society of jesus that strongly advocates justice. until now i am still seeking for that real justice that i know i deserve. to say that the church should be prepared to grant real justice to victims of sexual abuse is mere rhetoric for me now, in the same way that the jesuit advocacy towards social justice, for me, remains mere rhetoric if not hypocrisy considering my personal experience of seeking justice. by asking me to liquidate whatever therapy-related expenses is simply ridiculous. i cannot allow myself to appear stupid.

in as much as i want closure and end to my interior suffering, the way it is now i am ready to die, sooner or later, without achieving justice and healing.

Last night, my mother woke me up. I was crying in my sleep. I woke up gasping for breath. And there came the flashback of the first night that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. sexually abused me. It happened during that one cold night in their family home in Baguio City. I can still remember a lot of details of the house, of the room, of the hot shower in the bathroom, of the heater in the room that looked like an oven toaster with a fan. It was my first time to go to Baguio City. It was stormy. I was on my semestral break from school. Every now and then I would experience flashbacks of how Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. sucked my dick and masturbated me. Every now and then I would feel depressed. Every now and then I would feel like crying. Aside from being an injustice, my experience of sexual abuse from the hands of Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. was an experience of betrayal and manipulation. And the pain is real, sometimes almost paralyzing. As I put my thoughts into writing, I want to be heard. I want people to know the priest who sexually abused me, how he sexually abused me, and how this Jesuit murdered my soul, murdered my vocation, murdered my faith.

When Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. sexually abused me, I cannot think of him as being moved by love. He was moved by lust. During those times that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. was sucking my dick, I cannot think of “faith that does justice.” He was an embodiment of “FAITH THAT DOES INJUSTICE.” During those times that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. was masturbating me until I ejaculate, I cannot think of such acts as bringing about the redemption of the human race. He was not saying Yes to God in the concreteness of his life, he was not bringing love and salvation into this world. Instead of redemption and salvation, he brought about brokenness in me who is his victim. I cannot think of Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. as called to share in the fulfillment of God’s plan or how God saves the world. He was simply going against everything Ignatian, despite his being a Jesuit. He was violating his priesthood and does not need to stay a priest any minute longer. If there is one important apostolic preference Jesuits should have is to ensure that justice is attained by victims of sexual abuse by Jesuits.

Confidentiality is the name of the game. All the while I thought it is the welfare of the victim that is the priority of this bunch of brilliant, discerning, spiritual men in white robes. However, in their hypocrisy, they would employ every means to silence victims of sexual abuse like me. I remember one of those times that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. and me would first talk in his office. From his office, he brought me to his room in Loyola House of Studies. It was day time. He would make me lie down on his bed. He would strip me of my shirt and pants. With nothing on, he would fondle my penis. He would make it erect and play with it. He would suck my dick without making me cum. It was his style of making me cum by masturbating my dick. He would know his own timing. He would make me cum at his own timing. My body reacts with pleasure even in that abusive situation. After I clean myself, I would put on my pants and shirt. He would give me money before I go out of his room. I would go out alone and fast and with fear to be seen by other Jesuits who live on the same floor. Without me realizing it at first, giving me money was a way of telling not to tell anyone about what happened. Looking back to such experience, I realize how vulnerable and naive I was. I never mentioned the secret to anybody. I have hidden the episodes of abuse from my classmates and my family. It is not enough to characterize my experience of sexual abuse from the hands of Fr. Ruben Tanseco, SJ as unfortunate. It was horrible, devastating, humiliating, and traumatic, all suffered interiorly, psychologically. I have suffered quietly, in the interior silence and brokenness of my being. I cannot be silenced now. Gone are the days of closed door meetings. Until now, I still get indications of being silenced. I have to face this dark part of my past with courage, frankness and transparency. I feel relief every time I see myself having the courage not to be silenced.

It is knowing the will of the devil for you. It is knowing where the devil leads you to go. For bringing me to where I am now and for making me the kind of person that I am now, THANK YOU, SATAN!! The devil, indeed, is very good and has a better sense of justice…

There is no denying it that I am a victim of sexual abuse by the Jesuit priest, Fr. Ruben Tanseco. I say that categorically. I say that with courage. I have become an angry person because of that experience, full of negativities, full of uncertainties. Having this angry disposition for quite some time already is never a desirable situation for me. At times, I would notice how anger characterizes the way I deal with people and the way I discharge my professional duties. Perhaps, being angry is my way of saying “do not touch me,” or “do not talk to me” or “do not get near me.” Being angry is my defense mechanism from getting abused again. There is no denying it that my anger is directed at the person who abuse me. He failed me when I trusted him. He failed me when I looked up to him and admired him in his work for families and his work for the poor. In sexually abusing me, he took away my optimism and my cheerfulness about life. (to be continued..)

An aged Chilean priest was defrocked by the Pope some months back. The same thing should be done to Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. In sexually abusing me, he does not deserve his priesthood and being a religious with a vow of chastity. In sexually abusing me, he violated everything involved in the priesthood and the religious life. He may have occupied important positions as a priest, formator, counselor, spiritual director, retreat master but there was a double life and hypocrisy all along. Aside from committing a crime, Fr. Ruben Tanseco, SJ represents the rotten sector of the priesthood, the Catholic Church and the Society of Jesus. He represents the hypocrisy and scandal in these institutions. For the sake of justice and the restoration of decency, he should be stripped of the priesthood he does not deserve for abusing my trust in him, my trust in the Church and the Society of Jesus to which he belongs. He may be old now and shit in his pants but to defrock him is the best thing to do for the sake of decency in the Church. Doing so is not unprecedented.

I was exchanging emails with Dr. Gabby Dy-Liacco. He was helping me find a psychotherapist. He was looking for somebody near my place or somebody who would be accessible to me. Since I am already based in the province, it would not be practical to find a Manila-based psychotherapist. I am miles away from Manila. The exchange of emails went on smoothly until I got a surprise email from Fr. Jun Viray, S.J. He is the Jesuit provincial superior in the Philippines. He was the one referring me to an Iloilo-based psychotherapist. The email from the Jesuit provincial was a complete surprise to me. I do not know what his intentions were in being the one to refer me to a psychotherapist. It appears that he was the one who chose the psychotherapist for me. I did some research about the psychotherapist I was referred to. As I asked around, I learned that the lady psychotherapist was involved in seminary formation. Obviously, she has close connections with the Catholic Church and formally or informally connected to a Jesuit entity. I did not go to the lady psychotherapist. I remember to have been sent to a Jesuit psychotherapist after I made the disclosure of my experience of sexual abuse from Fr. Ruben Tanseco, SJ. The Jesuit provincial superior that time was Fr. Daniel Patrick Huang, SJ. I can only think of that engagement as some form of damage control, if not the initial measure of cover up. I am scouting for a psychotherapist myself. I found one whom I considered ideal for me, a layperson, not connected with any church entity, and a non-Catholic. However, no psychotherapy happened because I do not have the financial means. Instead of recognizing my autonomy, what I got was interference from the Jesuit provincial. I know what I deserve. I can only think that there remains to be efforts at cover up. After all, Fr. Ruben Tanseco, SJ who sexually abused me is not an ordinary Jesuit. I was told later that ordinary Jesuits would not know of this case of sexual abuse committed by this “respected” Jesuit.

On instruction of the Jesuit provincial superior, Fr. Jun Viray, Fr. Archie Carampatan, S.J. came over to Antique to see me and talk to me. He relayed to me the concerns of the Fr. Jun expressing the willingness of the Jesuits to help me in my healing. However, I was just struck when, in the course of the conversation, he said “and so it is not about money.” And I quickly replied, ‘Of course not. Why? Even if the Jesuits give me all their wealth, will I regain what I lost because of the sexual abuse done to me by Fr. Ruben Tanseco?” The meeting gave me an insight into how my claim for real justice is being interpreted by brilliant minds.

Justice is a battle to be waged and won. I eventually told Fr. Archie, that “I am preparing myself to die without achieving justice, without achieving healing.” I have a lost a lot because of the sexual abuse I experienced from the hands of a Jesuit. I lost a vocation I valued a lot and nurtured in the seminary for some years. I lost the person full of the cheerful and positive disposition in life. I was in the seminary to undergo formation under the Jesuits. I left the seminary deformed and damaged because of a Jesuit. No amount of money can compensate for the vocation that I lost. There is no moving on without justice.

Last night I had a hard time going to sleep. Rather strange because I normally sleep early without difficulty. What was striking last night was a flashback of one event. I saw myself in the Rector’s Office of San Jose Seminary. The Rector that time was Fr. Silvino Borres, SJ. He is fondly called Fr. Junjun. Of course I am familiar with the office. I was a seminarian in San Jose Seminary when I was sexually abused by Fr. Ruben Tanseco, SJ. I remember I was asked to come over and see Fr. Junjun. He was to give me a check from the Jesuits. However, there was a twist to that event. I was asked to sign a document and Fr. Junjun asked for my passport for photocopying. So I signed the document and handed him my passport. But I was told I cannot have a copy of the document I signed. Having finished the business in the Rector’s Office, I rode a car and Fr. Junjun was driving. We went to the Bank of Philippine Islands along Katipunan Avenue, fronting Gate 3 of the Ateneo. The check was encashed and the money was deposited to my account in the same bank. I notice that the check was in the name of Fr. Junjun. By the way, the amount is insignificant that I consider it to represent cheap justice. Until now I am still wondering why I cannot have a copy of the document I signed. Until now I am still wondering why the check was in the name of Fr. Junjun, and not my name on it. If the document is a legal document, I should have signed it in the presence of a lawyer. Instead of rejoicing for having money in my bank account, I became puzzled by what can be considered “Ignatian trickery,” if not “Jesuit deceipt.” If that is the case, it was another form of victimization and cover up. It is a wrong that needs to be corrected. I remembered it last night as a flashback. It made me awake for quite a while last night.

I would read about things like “shared mission in Christ” and “sharing the joy of the Gospel.” They are empty words. Mere rhetoric. Christmas means justice that is real and concrete for a victim of sexual abuse like me. I do not have anything to celebrate for now. Perhaps, I can celebrate Christmas and its real essence when justice is achieved, should that time comes. Meantime, everything is put on hold.

I have not been going to mass for years.  I cannot remember the last time I attended one.

When I see the priest gesturing during the Mass, blessing people, raising the host during consecration, I would have the poignant feeling about how Fr. Ruben Tanseco’s hands touched me and molested me. There would always be the flashback of those hands that played with my penis and masturbated me.

When I hear the priest saying the prayers during the Mass, I think of the lips saying those prayers as the very same lips of Fr. Ruben Tanseco that sucked my penis.

These are flashbacks of how I was sexually abused by somebody powerful, somebody who would rub elbows with prominent people in society, somebody who has a vow of chastity and yet has the capacity to violate that vow. In sexually abusing me, Fr. Ruben Tanseco did not just violate his vow of chastity. He has also made me become an angry, distrustful, and isolated person. How can I appreciate whatever meaning the Mass would have for Catholic like me with such an experience of sexual abuse?

My experience of sexual abuse has brought me too far from the sacraments and from the Church. I am on the brink of losing my faith. There are victims of sexual abuse by priests who did not just lose their faith, but became enemies of the Church. I yearn to save my faith in the Catholic Church I grew up with and once intended to serve as a priest myself. I yearn to seek real justice from the very same Catholic Church that has hurt me when Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. sexually abused me.

Fr. Ruben Tanseco sexually abused me and he is a Jesuit. As a Jesuit, he was trained in Ignatian spirituality. In his priestly ministry, he must be teaching and imparting Ignatian spirituality. But what is Ignatian spirituality in the first place? Ignatian spirituality insists that God is present in our world and active in our lives. It is a pathway to deeper prayer, good decisions guided by keen discernment, and an active life of service to others. That is what Ignatian spirituality is. How do I reconcile Ignatian spirituality with the sexual abuse I experienced from a Jesuit? Apparently, the two are irreconcilable. If Ignatian spirituality tells me that God is present in our world and active in our lives, I lost God in my experience of sexual abuse. God was absent during those times that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. sucked my dick. As a result, I am a lost, disoriented soul and a shattered person because of my experience of sexual abuse. If Ignatian spirituality is a pathway to deep prayer, I lost my appetite for prayer, the Eucharist and the sacraments as a result of the sexual abuse done to me by a Jesuit. If Ignatian spirituality is the pathway to good decisions guided by keen discernment, apparently the opposite is true when in sexually abusing, Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. was guided by his own sexual desires despite his vow of chastity as a religious. As a spiritual director and counselor, he must have guided people through the path of Ignatian discernment which he himself failed to practice when he sexually abused me. If Ignatian spirituality leads people to an active life of service to others, my experience of sexual abuse from Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. is an anomaly which can be considered an hypocritical life of abusing others. I just cannot reconcile Ignatian spirituality with my experience of sexual abuse from the very Jesuit who preaches it.

I was sexually abused by Fr. Ruben Tanseco. He is a priest and a Jesuit. I can only imagine how he was preying on a seminarian like me. Perhaps there was clericalism in my blood to have trusted and admired priests and Jesuits. Clericalism involves an assumption of the moral superiority of a priest and this priest happened to be a Jesuit. Priests are even considered alter Christus and exemplars of the moral life.

I can still remember being taught by Jesuit moral theologians. To be sexually abused by a priest and a Jesuit had its own devastating effects on me, especially when I think of morality. I used to link morality to my Catholic faith. As a victim of sexual abuse by a priest and a Jesuit, my view of morality would no longer involve the Catholic faith or religion or God for that matter. One of the questions I would ask my students is: Granted you do not have a soul, will you continue to do good? It is a deep-seated effect of sexual abuse on me. Sexual abuse is a grave moral failure especially when committed by a priest, much more so by a Jesuit.

Reading the signs of the times, how can the abuse become corrected? Securing justice and healing for victims is of paramount importance. It is erroneous and fallacious to think of victims as interested in getting money when a victim seeks justice. Jesuits should not be concerned about their financial position when justice and healing for victims are important to them. Having learned moral theology from Jesuit moral theologians, there is such a thing called moral duty and the moral duty of Jesuits is to put justice and healing of victims first, without excuses.

Finding God in all things…. That is what Jesuits preach. Does that also mean I should find God in my experience of sexual abuse from the hands of a Jesuit?  Finding God in all things…. It is a basic tenet of Ignatian spirituality. God can be found in every one. Was God present  when the Jesuit Fr. Ruben Tanseco sucked my dick? God can be found in every place. Was God present during those many times that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. brought me inside his room in Loyola House of Studies where he would undress me, unzip my pants, get hold of my dick, suck it and masturbate it? God can be found in everything. My experience of sexual abuse from the hands of Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. did not lead me to find God. Instead, I encountered the devil that looks like an angel. Perhaps, I can find the real God when I achieve real justice.

His name is Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. He is a Catholic priest and a Jesuit. As a Jesuit and a religious, he has vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. He is a big name among the Jesuits in the Philippines. He established the Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM) and brought the Marriage Encounter to the Philippines. He was once rector of the Loyola House of Studies. I think he was rector when he sexually abused me. He also taught Pastoral Counseling in Loyola School of Theology where I also went to study theology while I was a seminarian in San Jose Seminary. Loyola School of Theology and San Jose Seminary are both Jesuit-run institutions. I remember to have first met him in the lobby of Loyola House Studies in my student days in Loyola School of Theology. He is a counselor whose business is to help fix people’s lives, but in sexually abusing me, he destroyed mine. He is a retreat master and spiritual director who is involved in bringing people closer to God, but in sexually abusing me, I was brought away from God to eventually lose my vocation and my faith. Considering his stature as a priest, he held positions of power and trust. As a poor seminarian, I was his vulnerable victim. As they say, sexual abuse is not about sex. Sexual abuse is about power and abuse of power. Looking back to how Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. sexually abused me, I see myself as being in a vulnerable position that can be easily be overpowered by such a person in authority.  This is one dimension of sexual abuse that makes it an injustice.

 I am writing this blog to share my random thoughts and reflections about my experience of sexual abuse from the Jesuit whose name is Fr. Ruben Tanseco. I consider writing and expressing myself as a therapeutic activity. An important goal of this blog is therapeutic on my part as a victim of sexual abuse. I may mention names of persons and organizations for the sake of truth and transparency, not to discredit anyone. I do not intend to defame anyone. It took a lot of courage on my part to make this disclosure happen. I am publicly disclosing something about my dark and tragic past that has greatly and significantly affected me and the kind of person that I am now. It is about my dark  past that cries out for justice, and real justice for that matter. This blog represents my personal crusade for justice, the kind of justice that is truly and significantly restorative of the dignity taken away from a victim of sexual abuse.