Ignatian Flashback!!!

i was washing my clothes earlier when all of a sudden i felt jittery. after a few seconds came the flashback of that room on the third floor of loyola house of studies with a small flag of the philippines at the door. i was brought inside that room several times. and every time i was in the room, i can still remember how tanseco would make me lie down on his bed. he would freshen himself and i can still remember the smell of astring-o-sol. soon after freshening up, he would come near me and unzip my pants, remove my shirt and my underwear. he would strip me of everything i wore. i can still remember how he would first play with my penis, fondle my genitals, make me hard. after making me hard, he would put my dick inside his mouth and all i could do is close my eyes. my body reacts with pleasure even in moments of sexual abuse. alternatingly, he would continue to suck me and masturbate me until i ejaculate. he would give me a towel to clean myself. i put on again my underwear, my shirt and my pants and go out of his room as if nothing happened. as i look back to those times, i think of the religious vow of chastity. as i recall how he sucked my penis, i think of finding god in all things. i think of the magis. i think of cura personalis. i think of ignatian spirituality. i think of faith that does justice. i think of how a jesuit has made an impact on my person, my faith, my life.