Tag: theology

The Dream I Cannot Interpret

Just recently, I saw myself in a dream. I was inside a chapel. The mass is about to start. To my surprise, Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. appeared in my dream as the main celebrant. I can clearly see Fr. Primitivo Viray, S.J. as a concelebrant. The mass started. Fr. Tanseco delivered the homily. The liturgy of the Eucharist followed and the time for Communion. I did not fall in line to receive communion. All along, I was not practicing any religion for years already. I even found it strange to see myself inside a chapel. Perhaps, Fr. Tanseco noticed that I did not receive communion. He went to me and offered me communion. I refused. Everything was a dream.

I woke up to prepare breakfast while pondering on the dream. I know fully well that Fr. Tanseco was an advocate of social justice. He would say mass in a chapel now known as Kristong Hari Parish along Commonwealth Avenue. The church goers there are poor people and mostly squatters. In sexually abusing me, he has done a lot of injustice to me. He must be feeling guilty for the injustice he has done to me.

I am just struck at my refusal to receive communion from Fr. Tanseco. I cannot afford to receive communion from somebody who destroyed me, from somebody who had done injustice to me.

I am also surprised to see Fr. Viray in my dream. I will explore this aspect soon.

Christmas as a Celebration of Death

It is for some years already that I do not practice any religion. It is for some years already that I ignore the Christmas season. More than having no appeal to me, I do not see it as relevant and meaningful in my life. If Christmas is a celebration, it is a celebration of death.

For the many times that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. took off my clothes and caress my naked body, my faith died. I am thinking of how I was brought in the Catholic faith by my family, only to end up sexually abused by a Catholic and Jesuit priest.

For the many times that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. fondled my genitals to make my dick hard, my vocation to the priesthood died. I am thinking of my being in the seminary, studying theology and undergoing seminary formation in preparation for the priesthood, only to end up sexually abused by a Catholic and Jesuit priest.

For the many times that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. sucked and masturbated my dick until I ejaculate, my whole being died. I was a jolly and optimistic kind of person. I always look at the positive side of life despite the challenges. My experience of sexual abuse from a Catholic and Jesuit priest made me an angry, isolated, aloof kind of person.

I can only wish for taking back what I lost.