Tag: religion

Disclosure

It must be some twenty years or so ago that I made my first disclosure about my experience of sexual abuse from the hands of Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. Let me chronicle the moment before I lose it from my memory.

There was a time when I would have my sleeping quarters at the lower ground floor of the Loyola School of Theology where I worked as librarian. After going out of the office at 5:00 in the afternoon, I proceed to my room and change my clothes. Sometimes, I would go to the roof deck of the LST Building when I feel tried given the rather refreshing view of the Marikina Valley before it gets dark and the lights on the streets and the houses and buildings are on. There are chairs and tables on the roof deck. I would find one place to sit and relax. At one point, I met Nono Alfonso, SJ on the roof deck. He was a Jesuit scholastic studying theology at that time. We talked. One of the topics we talked about was sexual abuse by Jesuits. It was a rather relevant topic because of a controversial case of sexual abuse involving Fr. Vic Salanga, S.J., who used to be president of Loyola School of Theology at that time. Nono asked me about how widespread was the knowledge of the case among the employees of Loyola School of Theology. I told him that we occasionally talk about the case but not much. Without fanfare, Fr. Vic Salanga just disappeared and later we knew he was in the US or somewhere else.

In the course of the conversation, I learned who the victim was. Emman was a good friend of Nono. I was told about Emman altering his life to become a lawyer and get back at Fr. Vic Salanga. He also told me about how his own experience of sexual advances by Fr. Vic. As a seminarian years back, I heard of stories of seminarians being asked to get naked during a spiritual direction session. I heard of one case of a pre-novice asked by Fr. Vic Salanga to masturbate in front of him.

My conversation with Nono eventually led to me to disclose my own experience of sexual abuse from a Jesuit, Fr. Ruben Tanseco. He was sympathetic to me. He even encouraged me to disclose my case to the Father Provincial, which I eventually did. I consider Nono Alfonso as a significant person who became part of my journey as a victim of sexual abuse by his fellow Jesuit. Nono is now Fr. Nono Alfonso, S.J. I can only hope he is still with me in my journey as a victim of sexual abuse by a Jesuit. That moment of chance encounter and conversation with him remains in my memory.

I have seen a list of sexual abusers who are Jesuits released by Jesuits in the United States of America. Perhaps, the Jesuits in the Philippines can release the names of Jesuits in the country with sexual abuse cases, all for transparency and accountability.

The Heart of Jesus

It was at dawn the other day that I had a bad dream involving Jesuits. In that rather sexual dream, I encountered a Jesuit in the lobby of Loyola House of Studies. I was shocked to see a Jesuit who took out his dick in a public place. What I saw was a huge Jesuit dick. I woke up gasping and running short of breath. The dream reminded me of how Fr. Ruben Tanseco, SJ sexually abused me. Sleeping with him in one bed, I remember how Fr. Tanseco would insert his had under my short pants. He would reach for my still soft dick. Holding my dick is his way of consecrating himself to the heart of Jesus.

As Fr. Tanseco continued to hold my dick, it would become hard. He spends time to play with my hard dick. He must be discerning his innermost feelings and following the movement of the Holy Spirit as he plays with my hard dick.

The next step in his sexual routine is to strip me of everything I wear and take delight in my naked body with his hands still holding my hard dick. He would lick my nipples and fondle my balls too. The sensation is pleasurable. It speaks of the heart of Fr. Tanseco which is the heart of a Jesuit that is in tune with the heart of Jesus.

Fr. Tanseco would not miss to suck my dick. I can feel the warmth of his mouth as my dick is inside it. In this way, he mirrors the loving God in all His tenderness.

The final act is when Fr. Tanseco would masturbate my hard dick. His every stroke of my hard dick speaks a lot of how the Jesuit charism is rooted and grounded in the love of God. As I finally would reach my climax and ejaculate, I am able to experience the breadth and length, the height and depth of Christ’s love. The pleasure of ejaculation allow me to experience God’s love that surpasses all human knowledge and I am filled with the very fullness of God. It is how best the Jesuit Fr. Tanseco is when he sexually abused me.

Christmas as a Celebration of Death

It is for some years already that I do not practice any religion. It is for some years already that I ignore the Christmas season. More than having no appeal to me, I do not see it as relevant and meaningful in my life. If Christmas is a celebration, it is a celebration of death.

For the many times that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. took off my clothes and caress my naked body, my faith died. I am thinking of how I was brought in the Catholic faith by my family, only to end up sexually abused by a Catholic and Jesuit priest.

For the many times that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. fondled my genitals to make my dick hard, my vocation to the priesthood died. I am thinking of my being in the seminary, studying theology and undergoing seminary formation in preparation for the priesthood, only to end up sexually abused by a Catholic and Jesuit priest.

For the many times that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. sucked and masturbated my dick until I ejaculate, my whole being died. I was a jolly and optimistic kind of person. I always look at the positive side of life despite the challenges. My experience of sexual abuse from a Catholic and Jesuit priest made me an angry, isolated, aloof kind of person.

I can only wish for taking back what I lost.