Ignatian Flashback…

Last night, my mother woke me up. I was crying in my sleep. I woke up gasping for breath. And there came the flashback of the first night that Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. sexually abused me. It happened during that one cold night in their family home in Baguio City. I can still remember a lot of details of the house, of the room, of the hot shower in the bathroom, of the heater in the room that looked like an oven toaster with a fan. It was my first time to go to Baguio City. It was stormy. I was on my semestral break from school. Every now and then I would experience flashbacks of how Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. sucked my dick and masturbated me. Every now and then I would feel depressed. Every now and then I would feel like crying. Aside from being an injustice, my experience of sexual abuse from the hands of Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. was an experience of betrayal and manipulation. And the pain is real, sometimes almost paralyzing. As I put my thoughts into writing, I want to be heard. I want people to know the priest who sexually abused me, how he sexually abused me, and how this Jesuit murdered my soul, murdered my vocation, murdered my faith.