Feed my Lambs, Not Suck Their Dicks

In one instance as relayed in the Gospel of John, Jesus asked Peter the question “Do you love me?” Jesus asked Peter with the same question three times. Peter answered, “Yes, Lord, I love you.” With that answer, Jesus gave Peter the task of feeding His lambs, whatever that means. There was a song relating this encounter between Jesus and Peter. I remember it was one song that we sung during an ordination to the priesthood. A priest, who is supposed to love and follow Jesus, is given the task to be a shepherd to his flock. An anomaly happens when, instead of feeding the lambs or tending the flock, a priest sexually abuses somebody from the flock. I remember how Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J., a priest and a Jesuit, sexually abused me. Perhaps, that was how he interprets Jesus’ command to feed the lambs. Instead of feeding the lambs, Fr. Tanseco sucked my dick. Instead of feeding the lambs, Fr. Tanseco fondled my genitals. Instead of feeding the lambs, Fr. Tanseco masturbated my penis until I cum. Instead of feeding the lambs, he exerted his power and stature and authority to sexually abuse me. I read somewhere that sexual abuse is not about sex, but it is about power.

15 thoughts on “Feed my Lambs, Not Suck Their Dicks

  1. I find it hard to comment, but I feel it is worse to go by without saying anything.

    I was not sexually abused by Roman Catholic priests, and I’ve had nothing like the experience you had, but I had an awful experience with what that church did to me spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as someone who sought to be received through the Ordinariate, which experience was described later by a therapist as conditioning (ignorance rather than malice, thankfully), and is still affecting me badly eight years later. I’m now an Anglican solitary – fortunately, I was able to go back to the Anglican Church where I started.

    What was done to you was shockingly and impossibly evil, and the person who did it betrayed everyone, the more so in being a priest.

    Something that’s helped me is the remembrance that nothing we or anyone else can do can thwart God’s goodness – and there is no evading his justice, whatever lies people may be able to tell here. I hope you don’t mind my praying for justice and healing for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sexual abuse is not of God and it needs to be stopped. Jesus said it would be better for someome to have a millstone around their neck and be thrown into the sea then to hurt his children. Your bravery is an inspiration as you have a great testimony. Your testimony helps others who suffer as you do. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope you have had the courage to bring this to the attention of the Catholic church. If this man is still practicing as a priest he is still abusing children. What this man did to you is wicked, sinful and wrong. It makes me angry. What people in power do to the powerless also makes God angry. You can trust God to understand your feelings about this. He can help you if you trust Him and let Him into your pain and hurt. May I also suggest you seek counseling, if you haven’t already. It seems this is something the church would offer you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If you are not already aware, RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) and SNAP (Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests) provide support groups and helpful information to abuse victims. RAINN, in particular, takes steps to assure that perpetrators are brought to justice.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Honestly, as I read this, I wish every word weren’t true… Sadly I know that this is a real issue that exists and that there are people out there who, either out of mental instability or outright lack of concern for others, use the faith as a method to abuse others. This is an issue that needs to be addressed more and dealt with! I’m not talking about calling it out with an “oh look what you have done,” assertion and hoping that they will stop, but real and effectual action needs to be taken so that people do continue being taken advantage of in such terrible ways by men and women who proclaim to be shepherds…

    As a Pastor, I am deeply hurt to read these words… I cannot wrap my head around how someone who is supposed to be a leader could do something so vile to a person who trusts and follows them… As a man, I am disgusted that a man could even think of doing such a thing to someone else. We are called to lead despite ourselves, NEVER to take advantage of those we lead to please ourselves…

    I am truly, deeply, sorry that you had to endure such terrible things! I do want to encourage you, though! Despite how awful it was, despite how terrible or dirty it can make you feel (trust me, I know from experience that it can), and no matter how badly they try to devalue you to keep you quiet, there is more potential in you than you can imagine! To come out of this in a way that not only shakes the weak foundation of that selfish system to its core but that also sheds a light on what is being done in a way that keeps it from ever happening again is not beyond the realm of possibility! God would NEVER will anyone to d the things that have been done to you, but He CAN make sure that it is dealt with and He WILL in time!

    I know the scars that this kind of situation can leave on the heart and, hard as it may be, I want to encourage you to forgive. I know that it sounds awful to say because of the heinous acts that were performed to and against you, but the greatest tool that we have against the evil in this dark and broken world is the love of God. It heaps coals of fire on the heads of those who are our enemies, confuses and breaks down the defenses of the vilest of men, and shakes their foundation to the core! Jesus would NEVER will any of that on you, and He certainly wants to see you come out of this healthy and happy, and He died for the people that nailed Him to the cross.

    I’m not saying that you have to do this right away, that you should not mourn or face the feelings that you have to deal with on a daily basis! Every single thing that you feel right now is real and should be felt, it should be addressed and experienced, then it should be leveraged! As terrible as this has been for you, you have a unique opportunity to help others who are going through the very same hurt and an ability to understand their pain that others do not.

    You certainly seem strong-willed, determined for your voice to be heard and your cause to be taken seriously and I firmly believe that if you stay that passionate and trust in the Lord that you could be used in a big way to bring these sorts of atrocities to light and make sure that many never have t ogo through anything like that again!

    I will be praying for you, truly!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thanks for the kind thoughts, Josh. i feel relief to know that somebody like you knows and understands what i am going through. for now, i live with whatever is there on a daily basis, living my life one day at a time.


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