The weather is just warm but depressing. I can sense I start to feel jittery and my breathing start to become faster. I know something is going on inside that wants to be released, some kind of a poison I just have to expel from my system. I would remember how Holy Thursday was for me. It has been years that I have not considered this week holy. I can remember the washing of the feet being re-enacted on Holy Thursday services. However, it has ceased to be meaningful to me. I would imagine Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. re-enacting the washing of the feet using his hands consecrated to make things holy at ordination. But I think of the same hands that fondled my genitals and masturbated my penis until I ejaculate. I would imagine Fr. Ruben Tanseco, S.J. kissing the feet of the apostles after washing them. The lips he used to kiss the apostles’ feet were the same lips that sucked my dick. These flashbacks make me shudder. These images make me tremble in anger and hate. I know something is wrong somewhere. But that is what a Holy Thursday simply is.